Hi everyone! Hope that you are well! I have some great news…I will be giving a TEDx talk in New Jersey on April 7, 2018! My talk is called “Relapse is Part of Recovery.” I’m interviewing 100 people to really flesh out my talk, and here is a summary:

“Relapse is part of recovery” is a term frequently used in the addiction world to encourage people to continue if they lose their sobriety. But relapses (which I define as “rock bottoms”) happen outside of addiction and mental illness: there are relapses in careers, relationships, societies, identities, etc.

When people relapse, they are often faced with shame, disappointment, and see it as a failure. But what I’m finding is that frequently, as a result of a relapse, we gain some sort of insight that changes our lives for the better.

My talk argues that we need to rethink our views of relapse and how we handle relapses. We need to recognize that they are frequently an opportunity for growth. When someone relapses, we need to be supportive, encouraging, and hopeful. And that, my friends, will lead to “A Better Future” (the theme of the TEDx I am part of).

I am documenting my whole journey of building this TEDx talk on instagram: @hufsathegreat. I can’t tell you how many people are coming together to help me with this talk: allowing me to interview them, sending me pictures…I even have local actors who are going to help me film a scene for my talk. Wow!

Stay tuned! I’ll be posting about some of the stories I have been hearing!

We Must Believe in the People We Serve

Recently, I took a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Provider Education Course. I discussed various topics in a room full of social workers, therapists, and directors.

There was one big point of contention, when I mentioned the importance of believing in our clients and being as encouraging as possible.

I talked about how I have told clients that their potential is limitless. I believe they are survivors, having gone through so much trauma, but are trying to turn their lives around.

Having said that, most of the room was in total disagreement. The Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist leading the class said that, “We must be realistic. I’ve found that it’s more often true that they cannot achieve many things.”

And to that I stood up and declared that to be wrong. I said, “We may be able to predict where someone can be in 6 months. Maybe one or two years. But we can never know where they will be in ten years.”
I highlighted my own example. “Several people have said I couldn’t graduate from an engineering college. My own parents and psychiatrist said I could never work, and that I should live on SSI. But I graduated, I now work full-time, I have accomplished great things, and I will accomplish even more great things in the future.

“People made predictions about me in the past, and they were dead wrong. There are too many success stories that have spat in the face of those who made pessimistic predictions.”

And by having a “realistic” point of view (which oftentimes is pessimistic), by telling someone their potential is limited and predicting a bleak outlook for the rest of their lives, you are hurting the people we are meant to help.

I hear psychiatrists and coworkers tell people, “You probably won’t be able to work again.” But that type of statement is damaging someone. It takes away their hopes and dreams. Perhaps it is true, but we ourselves can never know.

What I say instead is, “Right now it looks like you might not be able to work. I don’t know if you can in the future, but if you want to, I will support you and try to help you get to where you want to be.”

I think social workers fear being responsible for someone making mistakes. If we err on the side of discretion and “realism,” we are playing it safe. Perhaps if we believe in someone, they will try and fail – and then we will be responsible.

But I urge you to set that aside and be encouraging. Be hopeful. Have faith in the people we serve.

However, one thing I should note is that I never push. If I believe someone can work, but they don’t, I never, ever push them to do something they don’t want to do. I will encourage them, try to provide counseling and help them see the potential in themselves, but in the end, I never push.

I think if we encourage, and not push, that will help assuage our fears that we will be responsible for anything bad that happens, and still give hope to our clients.

So please. Have hope. Err on the side of encouragement, not discouragement. Recognize your own limitations in predicting where someone will be. Because in the end, we are frequently the only one who has hope in the client – which can dictate hope in the client as well.